A Short-Love Story

She came to college quite often. In the morning, she’d come alone and sit in silence and enjoy her coffee. If you looked at her you couldn’t say if she was sad, or happy, or sleepy or bored. She just sat there, spoke to no one and left. But during lunch, it was almost as if you saw another person. She was surrounded by an entourage of noisy south Delhi kids, with goatees, fancy phones, clothes in the brightest of colours, and perfect teeth. I always wondered how teeth can be so perfect.

But it was the evenings that I really looked forward to. She’d stay on for much longer. Of course we never spoke, nor did I really go out of my way to see her. I’d just be doing my own thing; and if I happened to see her it would brighten my day. It wasn’t just her obvious beauty or her tremendous sense of style that I was drawn to… Okay, maybe, I was simply fascinated by how gorgeous she was. The intelligence, sharp wit, good nature, and other desirable traits were simply the construct of my own imagination. But I was quite certain that she was all these things apart from being incredibly attractive.

Was I going to do something about it? No! I don’t think I could ever make the first move. Previously I had been known to shy away even when the other party dropped hints, considerable hints, like send me a letter or something. And here I was up against someone who was completely unaware of my existence.

I was forever haunted by one question. Did she recognise me? Was I familiar to her; even a fraction of how recognizable she was to me? Every time we’d pass each other by I’d be aware of nothing else but her. Had she noticed this? Some days I’d be convinced that I was as known to her as she was to me, that she came to college only to see me. But in a different time, and this occurred more often, I’d be sure that she didn’t even know I existed, leave alone be aware of my attraction to her.
Okay the times that we crossed paths deserve special mention for my stupendous idiocy. If I was aware she was coming my way, I’d stare into the ground, double the pace of my walk and just pass her by. Sometimes I’d lift my head assuming she was behind me only to find myself caught staring directly at her. However, I reserved the full display of my foolishness for the few times I simply bumped into her. I’d just freeze, pretend to look for something in my pocket, blush, sweat and then eventually watch as she passed by.

Smiling at a complete stranger, it’s the one skill I’d be willing to give an arm for. I just can’t get myself to do it. My mind gets clouded with a million questions, hormones that temporarily convert me into an inanimate pumpkin are released, my vision begins to get hazy, and my face freezes into a scowl. It’s really not as easy some people make it out to be.

******

I was lying in bed, with nothing much to do, when I decided to make yet another aimless trip to CP. It’s amazing how quickly I could get ready and be at the metro station even though I had no idea why I was going to that place.
As soon as I got to the platform, I saw her!

It was quite brilliant because she was all by herself, and hadn’t noticed me at all. With the stealth that would put to shame a Russian spy, I walked towards her. The metro wasn’t there yet, so I hid myself behind other passengers and waited. When the train finally arrived and I saw her move into it, I darted towards the same entrance and then slowed myself before ambling into the coach.

I sat diagonally opposite her, the train was full of people and she hadn’t looked at me yet. I thought about what I could do. Maybe I could say hello, but then wouldn’t it be weird to just say so to a complete stranger. Maybe I could go up to her and ask her out for coffee. Maybe I could just tell her everything…

I remember she was looking particularly pretty that day. And for the longest time I kept staring at her through the crowd of people between us. This was quite a stupid thing to do because I was wasting valuable time that should have been spent planning my next move. But what the hell?!

Okay so my grand plan was - at Kashmere Gate when most of the passengers would get off, I’d get up and go sit next to her and then hopefully we’d strike up a conversation. She’d think I got on at that station and everything would be smooth. Of course the plan reeked of cowardice, but that was the maximum I could do without dying of nervousness. Anyway, I was only a few stations away from my evil plot, and got up in preparation.

What would I say? And if I did manage initiating some sort of a conversation what would we talk about? What if she had bad breath? What if she ended her sentences with – like this only? What if I burped? What if she fell instantly in love with me? Am I ready? How do I smile?

Such randomness floated around in my head as I waited for the train to pull into Kashmere Gate. For a moment, as the train slowed down, I realised I was doing something of this sort for the first time in my life. It made me smile with apprehension. As I moved through the swarm of people trying to get out of the train, I noticed a giant lady in a burkha was also heading for the same seat. I moved faster, and sliced through all the other passengers, and got there before her. But the wicked lady placed a hand on the seat, bloody hell I almost sat on it!

So there we were, I was looking at the colossal woman, you couldn’t say where she was looking exactly but it must have been at me. She, that is, the prettiest of us three, was looking at me. Now what does a man do? I had to get up and leave the seat for her. My heart sank; this had poured cold water over my plan. That woman will definitely burn in hell, I’m sure of that, she didn’t even say thank you.
So there I was, standing like a fool, in front of her. All of a sudden I felt too tall, too thin, my bag was dangling from my shoulder too stupidly, and my feet they were also all wrong. Hmpf.

But I guess there was some luck in store for me, because the enormous woman got off at the next station itself. Now there wasn’t much time left to CP, but it was still something. I sat down and slowly twisted my neck towards her. To my horror, she was looking straight at me and smiling. It scared the shit out of me and I jerked my face away from her. Damn, I was almost sure I had ruined everything. Unless… I jerked my face towards her again, gave the most awkward smile, and then turned away quickly. Now I was completely sure I had ruined everything.

Suddenly there was some movement, she was getting a call, and she couldn’t find her phone in her backpack. Interesting, she seemed a tad nervous too, aha! And then she did a very strange thing, she pulled out her phone and then turned it off.
Now obviously this could have happened for a million different reasons. She could have been avoiding her dad, her boyfriend, a stalker (ahem!); she could be late for something, or almost where she had to be. But my stupid mind couldn’t do away with the possibility of me playing a pivotal role in her refusing to answer the call.
In all this we were almost near CP. We hadn’t as much as spoken a word… I was running out of a plan, when suddenly she spoke, “Is CP next?”

I turned to look at her, my mouth half open, and then I looked at my feet, then outside of the window, into my phone and was just about to answer her when the electronic announcement for CP was made. I think I haven’t felt more useless ever. She smiled at me, and got up to leave the train.

What a smile!! Sigh!

I made up my mind; I’d walk up to her and ask her out for coffee. She was a bit ahead of me on the escalator, but I was certain I could catch up with her before the exit. But of course the CP metro station has enough people at any time for it to qualify as a separate country all by itself. I lost her to the crowd, and then when I found her she was quite some distance ahead. I walked quickly, ya, that’s a thing, no matter how much of a hurry I am in, I cannot run in public!

She was walking really fast, in fact she was walking so quickly I had difficulty in catching up with her. I had to swallow my pride and run a bit, a few steps only, then I’d walk, then run again, then walk. And then it struck me, maybe she is walking so quickly to avoid me? I was horrified. Sometimes stupid things like this suddenly make a lot of sense. I found myself slowing down, terribly embarrassed of my behaviour. What was I thinking? I had been doing things I’d laugh at others for.

I was really a bum.

I had almost stopped walking and took to staring at my feet and was in half a mind to return to my room.... So, I didn’t notice that she had walked back and was now only about ten feet away. I recovered from my shame immediately and tried to look all nonchalant; she was approaching quickly and wearing a large smile.

“Do you ha-have the time?”

I looked at her, then at the security guard, then at the roof of the metro and then into my phone.

“16 – No 4:45, err PM”

“Thanks a ton!”

And then she turned around and began to walk away, quicker than ever. Every cell in my body pleaded with me to go ask her out for coffee. But somehow I just stood there. Then I turned back and returned to my hostel room.

******

It’s really unfair, people should be born with the innate ability to smile at strangers and ask them out for coffee. Too much is left to be learnt all by ourselves.