Pardon My 90s

Yo. So the Indian Youth (born between 3 yrs before 24th January, 1984 and 5 years after) is a totally cool set of people. I mean we really really ROCK! Our music, our literature, our social networking, hair, cinema, food, TV, clothes; dammit our very LIVES are enveloped in the awesome glow of heavenly coolness.

But things weren’t always like this. Let moi elaborate.

Have you ever wondered how 9 out of 10 Indians just “LOOUVE” Calvin & Hobbes? The remnant 1 out of 10 has graduated to more serious humour of the White Ninja or Slowtumbling level. And yet dear reader, one stops to wonder why, for a funny people (source: broad view and Bollywood), we are extremely low on the proverbial sense of humour?

Q: What did we grow up on?

चाचा चौधरी
Chacha Choudhary
Uncle Chowdharee
تشودرى

Whatay super hero; brought to us by cartoonist Pran, who clearly didn’t get the basic premise of super-heroism because he gave poor old Chacha absolutely no special powers and then armed him with a mighty wooden walking stick.

Of course Pran often reminded us that Chacha’s brain was sharper than a needle and quicker than a computer. (Pentium 486, 60 MHz in those days) So basically Chacha could perform complex double digit multiplication, faint immediately after from the stress and regain consciousness in less than fifteen minutes.

He could also count the no. of pages in a book by looking at the last one.

Obviously none of this came in handy against terrifying, blood curdling and world threatening nemesis of the calibre of roadside bullies and local thugs. Plus Chacha had his hands full, what with his fat and domineering wife, Bini Chachi. She wielded a far more menacing weapon – a stout (although once again, wooden) rolling pin!

To save dear Chacha from getting summarily thrashed both inside and outside of his home Pran gave us Sabu! A giant alien of infinite strength and stupidity, whose anger caused a volcano to explode in Jupiter and made little girls giggle on Earth. He dressed with significant spunk, in matching red underwear and gum boots. Understandably, Sabu was never married and deftly avoided the topic. But he showed none of the same restraint when it came to eating.


Sabu ate in a single meal, 110 Rotis, 12 Kgs of seasonal fruits, green leafy vegetables and sweets before washing it all down with 20 litres of milk.

Sabu’s diet was a constant source of domestic violence in the Choudhary household, with Bini thrashing Chacha for inviting the Jupiteranean and Sabu joining in later to channel his hunger fuelled alien angst.

Anyway, the Avant-Garde artwork and humour took comic books to a hitherto unknown depth. Also the stellar use of the Queen’s English caused the British to, for the first time in their history, officially lament colonization.

Consider the following example – FUNNY FOOTBALL

Urban Simpleton, Evidently Dense (USED): PATKU! HOW COME AT THIS AGE YOU VENTURED TO PLAY FOOTBALL!

PATKU: THIS FOOTBALL IS NOT FOR PLAYING BUT TO DERIVE FUN.

USED: WHAT KIND OF FUN?

PATKU: KICK IT WITH FULL FORCE!

USED: AS YOU PLEASE!

*KICK*

USED: EEEIII!!! MY FOOT!

PATKU: HO-HO! THIS FOOTBALL IS MADE OF SOLID ROCK!!

Of course, not all of our comics were about the middle class dealing with common problems. Some were much worse.

A badass debut really sets up a comic book hero for eternal glory; much like a raunchy sex tape sets up a celebrity career. So when Super Commando Dhruv was unveiled in “Pratishod ki Jwala” (Fires of Revenge) there was much anticipation.

A sex tape can generate publicity but a foray into serious cinema requires ample nudity (content). Similarly, an ominous title is fine, but to be taken seriously you have to look the part, have a brilliant vehicle, at least have a vehicle, really wicked villains to fight, a supremely hot woman to woo, a great story and reason for being against evil (other than God I mean), and finally, once again super powers.

In Sanskrit Dhruv means Axis, which profoundly stands for “one who maintains his position no matter what happens.” If Sanskrit was still in verbal circulation and hence currently evolving, Dhruv would now mean Asshole.

First off. He has no super powers. None. Zilch. He can’t even make water evaporate faster than it anyway would. To look even more stupid, he actually physically looks stupid. Then he has no vehicle, in fact there was an entire issue dedicated to his adventures haggling with cab drivers. If not having a serious rival was an early disaster in Dhruv’s career (his arch enemy is Bauna Vamaan, Dwarf God, who harasses the world with his cocky haircut) he made it worse by vowing never to kill anyone.

Natasha is actually kinda hot! No? Okay 90s hot?

Currently, Dhruv is going through a somewhat rough patch, readers have complained about the spectacular loss of depth, the overuse of mythical refrences, although the changes to his costume have been largely welcomed.

The plan is to resurrect the comic with full gusto, in English. Be scared you evil Angrezians, it’s our turn to colonize now. The tikka-curry was only the beginning.

*****

Well that’s the thing with stuff. You can’t believe what used to be cool once upon a time. I mean now, everyone swears by Calvin and you’d probably be killed and then laughed at for admitting you had anything to do with the above comics.

But then for some time, however brief, in the 90s, that’s what you did, probably unknowingly, probably without even liking it very much. Just like tight jeans, mushroom cuts, Aishwarya Rai, boy bands, goaties, hotmail, Ansal Plaza, No. 1 films etc.

Some of it I still miss. Goldspot and Phantom Cigarettes.

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And in case you are wondering, 24/01/84 is moi birth-date. It's the standard and constant measure of Indian Youth.

The fineprint is a recipe for Goldspot/Apple punch!!