Stranger Than Fiction

Anything worth writing... It comes without planning or method, all of a sudden. Out of the blue.

BAM!!

Much like life. If you hack life into tiny pieces, then it loses all predictability.

BAM!! BAM!!

Hello Blog! Hello Universe!

Well, I just wanted to say that. I think it's cool to talk to your own blog, and/or address the universe/internet. Couple of ladies who I think write brilliantly do this fairly often.

Oh? They think very little of me, I'm a source of distant amusement. But that's okay.

Anyway. To the day's most important discovery. Actually a revisit of sorts...

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL is possibly the prettiest person I have seen. Especially if you consider her in Stranger than Fiction.

Also the tattooed arm is just brilliant.

Maggie Gyllenhaal doesn't even know I exist and that I have a single strand of totally colourless hair bang in the middle of my damn forehead.

It's a tragedy of epic proportions.

For some reason the strand is fucking two inches long all of a sudden. And it isn't even bringing me the luck it used to bring. Times change man. Times change.

So I was telling this other blogger how as my blog has got popular-er I have became less and less personal with what I write here.

It's true. All I can do is lame conversations with my ruddy dog. (Sorry dog) (And sorry all of you who I thought it was actually the dog and me speaking.)

And lamer short stories. (Please God of Small Stories, Please forgive me this one slur. I am but today just really really out of my mind.

Umm.

Command ye the out-of-the-blue-crazy-ideas-fund to be fattened like never before.)

Aha. Shake. Heartbreak. If you haven't heard Kings of Leon, please do so. Immediately.

So I was telling this other really lovely fellow blogger of my serious ailment. A total and sudden loss of all malice. Truly truly disgusting. I am actually wishing nice things for other people when I don't really need to. Or shouldn't care less.

But I am saying and actually meaning nice things.

I am behaving like I am going to die in a few months. It's sick.

Oh this other blogger I know is going to be publishing a book. Go congratulate her. She writes fabulously. And she has this, umm, really cute way of replying to comments using a bit of Hindi.

Dear All, did I forget to tell you that I hate how this blog looks right now. But that I don't have the energy to do anything about it. Will take care of it when I do...

Warm Regards,
Yours Truly.

I'll do it when I'll do it. That syntax is used by many a moron.

Well not always.

This post is going nowhere right? But if you have a blog why not piss on it once in a while? (Replace BLOG in previous sentence with LIFE for more profound thought.)

Did you lazy bums bother to check out the video I posted yesterday? No?? I knew it! Dekh lo yaar. It makes you want to do crazy things. Nice crazy things. Well not really. But still.

I am a bit like Will Ferrell from Stranger than Fiction. Except that I am not punctual at all. I am the God of Petty Procrastination.

All my phones are always nearly discharged. All my bills are forever unpaid. I have been meaning to comb my hair for seven years now.

So as I was saying I am like him but I don't live by the clock. And I can't play the guitar. So I guess I'm just dull.

Which means I will have no luck with Maggie. Who doesn't know me anyway.

Hello Maggie! I can also move my eyebrows one at a time. It makes for one laugh and two conversations.

"Oh that's great. How do you do it??"

eehhehheeheee

"Okay stop creeping me out! Stop it Nikhil!"