Conversations with Cookie - On Earth Day

Cookie: Humans are such rotten animals! Yesterday I was watching that Inconvenient Truth movie and it made me so angry I could totally kill someone.

Me: Earth Day? It's so lame man, like all they can come up with is Gore.

Cookie: I Know!! Hmm.. Anyway!! How do you justify the criminal imbalance between what humans give to this planet and what they take away? How are you going to even begin to explain all this pollution to your kids?

Me: I don't know... I guess, who needs the wilderness if you have lots more ice cream, free music and Call of Duty XXI?

Cookie: Don't reduce everything to frivolous humour. It's our PLANET! We have only ONE! CO2 levels are the highest in 650,000 years. The 10 hottest ever years were all in the last 14!!!! There is a strong chance that a major ice sheet in Greenland or in West Antarctica will collapse in this decade! Either of which would raise global sea levels by over 20 feet, flooding coastal areas and creating 100 million fresh refugees!!!!

Me: Okay...

Cookie: If I were human, I'd stop worrying about the economy.

Me: But..

Cookie: You serve no real purpose on this planet. You have your fancy cars, and your fancy jobs and your bizarre and pointless space exploration and fucking stupid Bono. But to make your own lives comfortable and interesting you pollute. Like PIGS!!!

Me: Calm d...

Cookie: No!!!!

Me: O..

Cookie: FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT SOME REAL PROBLEMS!!!!

Me: Like??

Cookie: Take for instance the fact that when the automobile driver uses his car, in effect, he saves a certain quantity of energy by not walking. The energy provided by food is then stored in the form of fats. As the driver accumulates fat (energy), the automobile wastes fossil fuel (energy). The automobile could in fact acquire its energy directly from the driver, solving at once, obesity, pollution and the energy crisis. An intimate reciprocity between man and machine. That is ALL you should think about.

Me: You are right, you know.

Cookie: I know.

Me: Say, how do you justify being a pet? All you do is rob the world of much livestock, cheese and mango... You do recollect, the Wikipedia page from last week? Your particular breed of dog, The Samoyed, is known for a loud bark, and hold your breath, a wide smile. And that most Samoyeds wont even make good sheep dogs because after a while the sheep lose total respect for err, a smiling dog. I think I'm going to get a pet I can eventually eat. An intimate reciprocity..

Cookie: *wags tail*